Ancient Jewish Apocalyptic Metaphors referring to Empire can be fun...

these waves are not crashing
the rocks are not standing still
my eyes do not see
the sun is not rising on the hill.

the typhoons roar on the breast of the earth
the empire rises from the sea,
the waves warned us first,
of the Beast to see

these waves are crying to us
begging us to cease
these waves see the future
of our blood engulfing the sea.

give me.

melancholy. sadness. repetition. misjudgment. apathy. depression, though there really is no real reason to be depressed, thus causing more.

a cycle.

and i'm talking to myself again. imagining the future, go here, do that, run there.

stories, myths, trees, and ants.
faith, hope, love, and courage.

4th of July Poem.

There once was a cat
who laid flat on a mat
Waiting for the brand new kill.

The mouse in the hole
Near the mat, pays the toll
of being the fastest thrill.

The cat hatched a plan
So he may demand
the scrumptious, wonderful fill.

To fill his tummy
food better than "Kitty-Crummy"
With a carcass; oh so filled!

So the cat grabbed some cheese
to slow the mouse's speed
thinking "this plan will work it will".

Tied a string to the Swiss
"It'll never know this hitch!"
Cried the cat, his blood felt chilled.

All the while, all a long
The mouse listened to the song
The cat had been singing still.

"What a dumb furry creature
Whose claws are doughy features
as if i cannot hear this animal's shrill?"

So the mouse formed a plan
to counter the cat's hand
"No no, kitty, you'll be my kill"

After the cat tied the knot
and placed the bait in spot
and then stood by waiting quite still.

The mouse saw the bait
but decided his fate
as he began his deadly skill

They thought to themselves, "when did this all start?
I don't remember when or how, but it was a big part
so I'll continue and bring the pain to him still"

So the mouse got ready,
with the knife he carried
to slit the kitty's gullet (or what he called "dunghill")

The cat's claws were sharpened
with eyes on the target
"Your move, Jack, unless you sit still"

So the mouse stood ready,

and the cat held steady
the string to the cheese to the kill

-

A couple streets down,
In old Baghdad town
March 21st, the people ran thrilled!

Bombs pummeled from the sky
And families blood burned bright
The sun spiders remained frozen still.

-

The cat and the mouse
blew up with the house
For the sake of some nation's "goodwill"

Maybe one day, the cat will stop
thinking "this is mine" and "this cheese can be a prop
for the sake of my pride to be so filled"

Such attachments, and wanting more
Causes theft, fences, and nonstop war
Dear friends,

let's

stop

this

turning

windmill.

is it time?

it happens once a month usually. but lately it's getting more and more. my eye still occasionally twitches. my mental breakdowns seem to be getting different. i don't wanna talk with anyone while it happens. not person-to-person at least. i had someone, but that didn't work out well. i feel selfish. i have G-d, but i long for someone to speak to, in person, without limit. i always try to help people with whatever problems they have, i try at least, engage in discussion, i feel i'm missing out on just talking to someone heart to heart. i haven't had that in a long time, and it always really helped. i heard someone talk about how just talking to someone when you see that they are down is the first step to helping someone, and that something Divine occurs...which i always try to do. but i haven't had it happen to me in a long time, maybe i'm good at faking because i just don't want to bother anyone. and i guess it works.

i feel like a deep well.

sorry for complaining...

The Goose and the Duck.

A wise goose was once wandering around the lake
As it saw two little ducks wading to and fro
The goose sought a conversation to give or take
And the ducks seemed like a good time to show

What wisdom the pure white goose could exhale from his beak
The ducks stared in awe hearing the sayings and prose
The goose towered them both, making the trees feel meek
"Thus all science continues to point, the earth doth grow"

Without a second thought, the method brought forth,
Was digested by older duck who swam in zeal
His curious sister though, thought twice, and in short
Was confused with why the goose falsified the Real

"Mr. Goose, with your wisdom and your words, i feel a bitter loss.."
Stuttered the duckling, trembling and scared,
"Your words are a shovel to the dirt of my heart, why such a cost?
Now, understand this, i mean you well, good sir, but are you from the human fair?"

Confused, and astounded, the goose felt a fire of righteousness within
"Little duck, have you no longing of wisdom in your feathers?
Is your beak filled with jelly, slippery moss, your wing a fin?
Don't be stupid like the fish in the lake, instead arise and be better!"

Humbly, and graciously still, the duck had a Truth to tell
"Sir, i must decline what you have to offer
Though your wisdom is much, it leaves your heart a hard shell
Why not break it away and become as small as a grasshopper?"

"A grasshopper?!" cried the goose "Duckling, dear, are you mad?
Such loathsome creatures who bother me when i rest?
Who do nothing but jump around, more stupid than a cat!
Dear, i must wisely say, stand high with pride! Pucker up your chest!"

The duck quacked, "Sir! My friends are not loathsome, and no mere bother!
They wake you from your rest to play and be in wonder
And they hop because they love their Mother,
Why dilly-dad all day, when we can hop in awe in a loving shudder?"

"Oh dear duck, you have gone quite mad, you see, i worship only i
Only i: the wise
The prophet of rationality, creeds, and philosophies
And whom do you worship, some crude silly effigy?"

Taken aback, hurt by the call, the duck began to cry "Mr. Goose!
How could you talk of Her that way? My love, my Mother
My heart has been torn, with talks of such wisdom Beauty once loose,
Now caged, and hungry, longing for a Lover
Call me stupid and foolish, and call me silly
But, i love my Lover Who holds Grace
A thousand times more is Her love to me!
Mr. Goose, while you deter my love, and run tears down my face
May a Goose answer this small question from a duckling?
Are you in love with something?
For is not love such a power we cannot hold?
Such a power, that only stories are told?
For if there is neither Love nor Care,
We are just some project in a human science fair.
But Mr. Goose, if Love is real then so is She
Because what is Love, other than another impossibility?"

cliche.

For some odd reason, i'm very annoyed right now. With silly things too, that shouldn't even bother being bothered with. i know, though, that it's just because i'm sad of something that will come and it's outcome, but i want it to happen, she's been wanting this for so long.

the fan isn't on. now it is.

i need sound to fill up the hole of silence.

so much has happened within six months to my family. yet, i stay ever the numb-one, but who still can't stop talking about G-d, to where it bothers people and i can tell i maybe shouldn't hang out with them so much, for their sake and their sanity. i can't answer life's daunting questions. i don't know why i lost two siblings within a matter of months. i don't know why i'm effected by this differently than my family. i keep to myself. i wander when i want to think. i don't like confiding in family members which is sad, but i guess normal for my age and immaturity.

i've become lazy. indulging in myself, my wants, and my "needs". my crown has reached it's maximum weight limit atop my head.
i've become the definition of pride.

green trees and long distances call my name...still.

doubt and pride; the horrific duo.

see that figure there?
outside my window,
tap-tap-tapping
against the glass,
"come and play!
come and play!
to laugh, to hate
we can hop around,
snicker all day"
oh but no no!
the lumps of coal!
i try to grab, to toss at his head,
....well this time, it burnt my hand!
and i've yet to topple that mountain,
that silly small climb, oh but i "don't have the time!"

so continuing, in my loving-self-loathing stature
wanting nothing more than to quit being the actor
at the corner of my eye, a finger beckoning, laughs
shouting "you think you're for heaven!"
well i'm not, and i may not even show, but by this loving grace
living in my own heaven
how else could i live this way?
to live a life, trying for You

and kiss me goodnight, hug me, bye bye
i still feel the small want to die
remember when i thought i was done?
i was as calm as a fawn to loud gun
the chambers have some more left,
yet i'm far away to address
the number of the sparks to come
trembling to hard to shun
looking back to my past, such a blur
back in the garden when i just blamed her...

..

We received Josi's favorite things in the mail. i was really hoping there'd be something in it that i could make a necklace with. maybe a small toy. but there wasn't. her favorite clothes, her favorite teddy bear (that my mom got her, because she was scared of the dark and it lights up), and her favorite cup. my mom says it all smells like her and Guatemala. i wouldn't know, i wish i did though. but you can easily see how much she used her teddy bear, and held it.


seeing all the clothes made me think; what did the clothes see during the incident? did her teddy bear see it all happen? does he miss her? does he miss her holding him? do her clothes miss being worn to their fullest extent, keeping her warm during chilly nights?

i never met her, but she haunts my mind. i miss her, yet i never fully knew her; but i still thought of her a sister. one i could finally meet in only two-weeks time, yet the sin of Man had another plan. i wish they all went peacefully, but it shows none of them did.

struggle.


my mom isn't the same.
who would be?
she cries now.

it's usual to see tears.

i wish i could cry easily, but for some reason i can't.

whenever i hurt emotionally, i just either want to hurt myself or if i'm with people, smoke. or both.


it sickens me whenever i see people throw their life away with drugs, over-consumption of alcohol, addiction to work and Mammon, and the inability to love.

why is it that Josi died, and yet a person like me, a horrible...horrible person wrecked with sin, pride, lust, anger, envy, jealousy, and a mountain of negativity, why is it i'm still living?

it doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

and though it's a silly thing, that's why i believe in G-d.


why the fuck
am i still living?

don't even bother.

i don't understand how i am.
laziness is such a fucking crutch honestly, i think if i didn't have a computer my life would be much more interesting. i spout consistent things of spirituality, G-d, Christ, and the Spirit, along with Theology etc, yet i find myself still questioning the very existence of G-d! i don't know why this is, i honestly can't find any logic whatsoever that this world just out-of-nowhere erupted and we're magically all here for no apparent reason, i honestly just cannot accept that. Science may say this and may say that, but Science is not Truth. Science is science.
i find myself wondering "do i fully believe?".
this aches me.
but knowing even people like Mother Teresa was burdened with this gives me hope(but i am most definitely not like Mother Teresa)...

Nevertheless i trudge on, ridden with spiritual-pride to where i just want to fucking rip my hair out. the ego is such a horrible fucking beast.
one could say Ego is Satan.
but that one fellow who said that could be wrong, i don't know.

i dream of becoming a prophet, seeing and/or talking to G-d...who the fuck does that?
People who are spiritually-prideful that's who.
People like me.
i'm a horrible person burdened with lust, pride, envy, among all other sins; G-d loves me, but He/She surely doesn't want to use me to spread Love.

i talk like i know, when i truly don't know anything!
(there are so many "i"s in here it disgusts me)

and then!
for months now, since last June, i've consistently been thinking about celibacy. it's ridiculous because, i honestly argue with myself about celibacy/no celibacy. i honestly want a relationship(which this is really bothering me), but i have such stupid standards because of how i live, my idiocy, etc etc etc etc; all the while trying to fight off lust while consistently thinking of celibacy!
plus i have no job, and a confused as hell Follower of Christ.

do i sound like a fine wonderful guy for a relationship?
exactly, thus celibacy rings intrigue to me, because of how i am, but i want relationship so badly it sickens me.

i'm sorry...

8 Years of Silliness. Saying goodbye to a King who ended up a Jester.

Today (as i write), January 19th 2009, is the last day of Bush's presidency. Many Republicans, Conservatives, and Libertarians (although he wasn't as much a hero for them as Reagan) are sad today; many Democrats, Liberals, Socialists, and even Anarchists are very happy and excited about the Obama presidency (i'm not going to lie - even i am!).

Bush has gone down as "worst president in the history of the United States", and it's no wonder, nor surprise.

An economy circling the drain, wars across the Middle East, the Katrina disaster, the Gaza Strip getting blown to bits by American bombs... it's as if the list of faults never ends.

Not only have 4,229[1] US serviceman died in the Iraq war, and 640 in Afghanistan, the news also seems to forget the tremendous amount of Iraqi and Afghanistan civilians who have died since the invasions, either by the US, trigger-happy religious fanatics who twist the Islamic religion into a hateful creed, or as a result of the damages done by either/or (i. e. the destruction of water and electric systems). Sadly, there is no known death count for these poor people, according to a wonderful General who insists "we don't do body counts".

-The documented civilian death toll in Iraq is somewhere between 90,442 – 98,731[2]. Sadly, the number isn't even known for Afghanistan. Professor Marc Herold wonders, "What caused the documented high level of civilian casualties -- 3,000 - 3,400 [October 7, 2001 through March 2002] civilian deaths -- in the U.S. air war upon Afghanistan?” As he clarifies, “The explanation is the apparent willingness of U.S. military strategists to fire missiles into and drop bombs upon, heavily populated areas of Afghanistan."[3]

But!
As a fellow, i couldn't be have been happier with Bush’s presidency. Face it - he was a HORRIBLE liar, unlike most (if not all) of the former American presidents. People immediately knew something was wrong with the Iraq war, and more. Imagine if Clinton, a great liar, had been in office; we'd still be in the same darn pickle, yet most citizens would have been content. Sure, some questions would arise, but Clinton knew how to rally people, how to talk to people, as did Wilson, FDR, JFK, Washington, etc etc. Bush, on the other hand, was a Texas-born and bred man, you could tell. He didn't enjoy lying... he blinked far too much. The public knew something was going on, judging by merely his posture.

This jester of a fellow who was given the title “King of the Courts” was exactly that. This jester had the title, not the power. We know who the real King(s) of the courts were; from Cheney to the heads of the WTO, so on and so forth. You need only read the Orwell's prequel to 1984 entitled, "Project for the New American Century" where you find out wonderful plans for a teddy-bear world domination: teddy bears with guns, utter confusion, and the mindset of "protecting America by the invasion of other countries". The Project just needed someone like that teddy bear - someone lovable, silly, outgoing. By all means, they wanted a child. In comes this whipper-snapper, son of the Daddy Bush, strict and homey Conservative, who was raised within the ins-and-outs of politics, and could get away with quite a lot of things... precisely like a spoiled child.

Just about everyone knows that Cheney was the fellow behind the whole 8-year ordeal. He was just holding the piñata-Bush by the stick, and allowing the liberals to bat him over and over again. Cheney received some of the bats, but simply by the accident of him getting too close. And now after two long terms, the candy has finally fallen out of the piñata, and the liberals are ecstatic about the Obama candy! Bush's reputation as a politician has been pinned as "just as bad as Hitler" (which i personally believe is ridiculous and petty) and "the worst president in the history of the USA", which is some pretty tough stuff to live with; when the whole time, we (anarchists, socialists, radicals, etc) know Bush wasn't in control - he was the puppet, and a wonderful one for our case, because of how horrible he was as a puppet!

Because of him, i state again, the people now know the lies used for the Iraq War. Folks are even more curious if the Afghanistan War was done the right way, with the economy going ka-put, people are rethinking the infallibility of the "glorious" dog-eat-dog capitalism that Americans hold so closely to their (lack-of) hearts. Now, more and more groups are uniting against oppression by US imperialism, grass-roots movements are becoming stronger (strong enough to bring forth a President!), more than ever though, now the world truly knows the war machine that America is, was, and continues to be because of Bush and his sheer inability to lie. One might say his stupidity has made the world more knowledgeable of America's imperialism (but i don't like to call anyone stupid - yes, even him).

What i'm trying to say is this - we should be thankful for Bush, thankful for how he is/was, and thank goodness that it wasn't anyone like Clinton or Wilson in office during this time. We all know how good of a talker Clinton was! Many people have apparently forgotten or just didn't know of Clinton bombing Sudan, Yugoslavia, and civilian targets in Kosovo among others, or how Clinton was a big assistant in the creation of the North American Free Trade Agreement (which crippled Mexico's economy and therefore destroyed the lives of Mexicans - just ask the Zapatistas).

Or what about Wilson? The man was a racist who was in close with the KKK! He convinced America and Congress to participate in World War 1, where there was absolutely NO good reason to be in that war, except for a possible plan by Wilson for a World Government![4] And let's not forget how Wilson forced Germany to sign the Treaty of Versailles which sent Germany into a horrific depression, which many believe is a prominent reason behind the rising of Hitler. But Wilson had to force the Treaty on Germany (though Germany was defending an ally during the war), in order to show American dominance, like a bully who beat up a kid and decided to pull off his toes for kicks.

Why is it that they, among many other leaders, were able to get away with all of this? There really is no other explanation than they were amazing speakers.

Now comes the question, what about Obama?

Is he not a wonderful speaker? Can't he gather people to his cause with a single, well-written speech?

Now, i'm not saying he's a horrible person, nor am i saying he is a wonderful person! So far, everything he is saying sounds reasonably good and hopeful, but does that mean there is no need for us to keep an ever-watchful eye on him? Certainly not. If anything, we must keep vigilant tabs on him. He is going to screw up no matter what, and we absolutely must hold him accountable. We must be sure that we do not become apathetic, thinking "Obama is going to change everything for the good". If so, what change is there? We must make sure he doesn't get away with things like Clinton, Wilson, and so on, simply because he is a good speaker. I personally have a bit of hope in Obama, but not enough to sit back and become complacent.

Never forget that all power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Be thankful for Bush and his incapacity to lie, and be cautious in regards to how excellent Obama is at talking.

Realize that the fight against Power is far from over.
Know that Community-building is always stronger than any presidential policy.

Comrades, we are here in a new year, and an old, flawed, crooked machine based on repression still lives on, but you can hear the gears screaming for oil, smell the blood-rust from the metal; the bones are lacking protein, fuel is running out, and it's falling apart. So what should we do to this machine?

Let's wrench it to the ground.




[1] - antiwar.org
[2] - http://www.iraqbodycount.org/database/
[3] - http://cursor.org/stories/civilian_deaths.htm
[4] - http://www.threeworldwars.com/world-war-1/ww1-2.htm